Well I guess this is as good a time as any to take a look at this. I spent most of my life looking to find other people that I could like, share with, have intimacy, and most of all trust. But I had never actually asked myself If I had any of those dynamics to offer others. Now my ego says, “Well of course, I am likeable, trustworthy, want to be close to others, and am trustable!”
Not really. Sometimes I’m those things, but I think it’s more like those are the things that I practice towards. Not solid state principles that live in my every second of life. So why is it that I was spending time trying to and expecting others to live those qualities?
It’s that: I’m Ok and all I need is to find someone else who is Ok too and then I can ride off into the sunset overwhelmingly happy syndrome.
Or what Zen Buddhism, Tao, and all mystics from all belief’s call illusion and delusion.
I asked myself these questions: 1. Am I the kind of person I would want in my life? 2. If not, Am I willing to make changes and sacrifices to make sure I am the kind of person I want in my life? I quickly started working on the second question since the answer to the first was “Not really.”
The most amazing thing happened when I started to look at this, and do the practice needed to make it happen. I started to meet more people that I could enjoy and feel that closeness and caring arising without any clinging or neediness. I have some ideas on why it works like that but I don’t think they make any difference. The most important point is that it works that way.
Becoming the person I want to find means I found him. I also means that my relationships are being built on what’s genuine about me and not about trying to find someone who is genuine. It also means when I fall back into expectations and having conditional relationships I can treat it with the compassion that it deserves. After all, awareness runs against thousands of years of social conditioning. This evolution might not happen overnight!
Biggest Bows to all of you,