“I would rather have a cup of tea than sex.” – Boy George
What ever happened to Boy George? I don’t know if he is absent or is still here somehow.
We had a small group gathering and the discussion flowed around the whole idea of letting go, dissolving the self, and if a complete absence of self is possible. The group chatted about various meditation techniques and drugs, both of which involve letting go. Alcohol is a way of letting go. Cocaine is a way of holding on. Hallucinogens are about being clueless, like I usually am, despite them being touted as some sort of spiritual oasis we can enter for a few bucks. Nirvana in a snort, pill, or bottle.
The discussion had flowed for a while when I offered that there is a guaranteed ancient way to let oneself go, it’s called an orgasm. At the peak of orgasm, “I” disappear for a second. It’s an interesting way to realize that I hold so tightly onto who and what I think I am, that it creates a unique sense of self, but the self vanishes when sense input becomes overwhelmed. It’s why we practice just being here in meditation, sensing life as much as possible, it’s intensely grounding, the act of giving in to senses. And all sensing is somehow sensual and sexual.
Intentional, purposeful overload. And, if you have others to experience this orgasm at the same time, (or as close as possible) there is a connection that rises.
I noticed the group was staring at me. I get enthused sometimes.
Meditation and Orgasm. I realized that perhaps a line was crossed, not of my making, but the whole social/cultural taboo we have on discussing “Certain” topics at certain times. It’s why we don’t talk about sex or politics in Sangha, right? (Or sports. Or money. Although we get by the money thing by calling it Dana. Go figure.)
But if are seeking to quit grasping and having self centered ideas, and if we’re attempting to do that by sitting silently for years, why ignore the short cut? I once had a guide tell me that one orgasm is worth a thousand sittings when it comes to letting go, and I believe her. Here’s an experiment, go have an orgasm and see if you can hold onto your ego.
I’ll wait……….
See? It’s impossible. The “I” struggles to hold on, or let go, I’m never sure which, and then suddenly it’s gone. Somewhere. And inside of that somehow, is a feeling of being grounded deeply in my own DNA and the DNA of the entire planet. Or something like that. Sounds pretty significant, but it’s just a story. One I like. Imagine being able to destroy the self? On purpose? No more meditation periods thinking that time has stopped and I’m going to die on the cushion.
I noticed the group was still sitting looking a little lost, and one person looked pissed off. Oh-Oh. Time to steer the conversation back to something safe. I’m confused about this topic. It’s as though sex is this vitally important thing that we all acknowledge behind closed doors, we are driven and obsessed with it as a society, and yet carefully contain it to certain circumstances and events. We end up with pornography overloading the internet and entertainers exploiting the sex drive, yet pretend that what we really want is for us to treat each other with respect and equality when it comes to sexual relationships.
Aren’t humans fun? We are so much fun.
The meditation group ended up talking about Allen Watts. A much safer topic than orgasm.
But, I still see a connection between orgasm and self, or a disconnection between orgasm and self. Because there is one. Some of the Taoist/Zen folks have studied this topic, but it still remains somewhat taboo. Unless it’s not. Hard to tell about the timing of these things. I don’t think we like talking about those moments when we are so present that we disappear. And then return.
Someone asked if there’s another way. Sure, Skydiving. For about fifteen seconds after you leave a perfectly good airplane the ego dies. I think it forgets it’s there due to terror. But we don’t talk about that either, it’s probably not an approved meditation topic. The other one is living through a near death experience. I don’t recommend that as a practice.
There are many ways to experience this journey. Sometimes the commonest experience are the most sacred of all, if we pay attention.
Another day, of miracles and wonders, as Paul Simon would sing. (The Boy in the Bubble.)
Bryan Wagner
Visions of a People's Dharma 